I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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