Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
