Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
