He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
