They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
