i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
the liver wants what the liver wants
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
