Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
