I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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