How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
