What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
