I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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