hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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