how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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