I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
