Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ttyl tear gas
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
