I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
