How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
