He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
