I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
