i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
