P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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