Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
