if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm too high and old for this...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize