I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
