i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
