:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
