I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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