i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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