Dual....:-)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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