Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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