White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
