Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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