My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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