does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
