OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
