Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
