Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
