bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
