They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
