I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
