Sponge bath it is.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
