we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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