I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
