you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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