Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
