I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
