i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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