yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize