No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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