I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
