My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
