What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
