I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
