just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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