are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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