Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
