Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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