all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize