i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize