I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
