I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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