when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone came in the potted fern
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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