there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
