there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
