I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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