before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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