someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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