I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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