I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
