Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
