I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
