nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
