K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
