Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
