; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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