I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
