My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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