Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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