My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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