Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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