found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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