I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
