Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
