sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
