I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
