youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
