Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize